!Happy Holidays!

Well Xmas is over..
I'm kind of disappointed because now I don't have anything to look forward to.
When I go back to school everything will probably just be as it was before.
Me walking with friends but feeling totally alone in my head.
Oh well. I should just deal with it and get on with the rest of school.
I should stop searching and start getting on task.
Anyway, I finally got a new phone! It's an android with a pink cover. :)

Triggers.

Pictures of self-harming make me want to cut. I physically get shivers when I look at pictures. It just looks so good. I don't have any blades so I can't really make a good clean cut.

Too much for one girl

Sorry I was just thinking about if I ever had a really hot boyfriend. I'd probably be stressed out.
Anyway, something I've realized this week,
I need to stop thinking so much. I'm always stressing about what I will become when I'm older. What will happen to me. Who will I be.
I need to just stop and just go with the flow. Life moves so fast that I'm not able to see anything.
AND I definitely should stop thinking about guys. Maybe that's why I don't have one.
I'm always fantasizing and dreaming about guys. I should just SHUT IT DOWN and pay attention to school. Seriously, I need to get it together. C's suck ass.

Yay

New York was a fun time.
And my family got exactly what they wanted, my big sister Erika.
And thats me down there by the way.

Tomorrow is coming

It's official.
I'm obsessed with, Evan Peters.
He just makes me feel all goofy inside.
This celebrity crush probably end once the AHS season ends. :/
Tomorrow I'm going to New York for my big sister's graduation.
I'm actually really excited, but for my own reasons.
I wish her and her boyfriend were still together, I actually miss him. She'd probably be pissed if I told her that. It was her boyfriend and how they end their relationship was shitty.
I'm just excited to take pictures of everything. :)

Scared

This weekend I'll be going up to Ithaca for my big sister's graduation.
I'm excited but scared.
I don't wanna get too excited or something bad might happen.
For some reason I'm starting to get into karma's way. I hate it, i have to be careful with what I do, what I say, what I think. It sucks. It's like walking in a street full of potholes with a blind fold on.
I also set up my Yule altar today <3

Lately...

I've been thinking about death and how beautiful it is...
I wonder if it's like falling asleep and enter your dreams forever.

Wow, this morning's dream was amazing.

I had a dream about Evan Peters,
So what happened was I was in this school and I went to my class and sat down, some more kids came in along with Evan (that's his name) and he sat down next to me. And we started talking and stuff for a few days, then when we would go places with our school, I guess they were like little walks around the town.. and lol Iggy Pop was our teacher, yeah that old rockstar hahaha. So anyway, when we would take walks and stuff I would walk with him and yeah. :) And then one day when we got back from our walk he left somewhere and i had to go into the school by myself, and i was pissed because now I had to go do work and stuff. But when I walked up the steps and into the school it was like transformed into this big ballroom and my parents were all like, "congrats." and there were all these other parents and kids so I guess I was graduating.. and after I did Evan was standing on the dance floor and I walked up to him and he said, "can we dance??" and I smiled "yeahh" and so we did... and it was close haha.The day after I was just in school and everything was back to normal, I was still talking to him and stuff like that..  :D

Happy Thanksgiving. :)

Did you eat enough turkey?
I sure did.

It's easy to say that I'm just thankful for everything. :)
Mom, Dad, friends, food, shelter, big sister, family, animals, etc. :)
Earlier I went outside with my dog and just watched the sun set. It was real cold but I'd rather stay out there than be stuck in my house. :/
Tomorrow's black friday and I'm not going anywhere haha.
All I want to do is take pictures and make sims. XD
And blog, but you already know that.

No pressure...

I just finished my Chemistry essay. Basically bullshitting the whole thing. Now I can sleep.
I'm just scared that my mom might not let me stay home tomorrow. School is such a nightmare.

"High school, it's just a blip in your timeline. Don't get stuck there."

I would leave if I could, but no. I have to grow up like all the others and become a slave for love and money and happiness. Why does school have to be so important to us? Knowing that I've wasted a number of years in school. What is this setting me up for? Death. We all die anyway.

Ahh, the days when just my heart hurts...

Bang Bang by Armchair Cyanide

I swear that song is the sexiest song I have ever heard.I advise you to go check it out.

Lately I have been getting into a show, American Horror Story. It's just so good and the characters are put together so freaking well! I can't stop watching it.
Last month I got into wicca. It seriously felt so right. Who wouldn't want to be a wiccan?
I almost became an athiest, but then I read about wicca and how they (wiccans) actually don't really, I guess, believe in a guy up in the sky creating bullshit. I knew the one thing I would never be is a Christian. I'm sorry, but I just don't understand how the bible works...

Anyway, I'm in love with Evanescence's new album, it gives me goosebumps.
Man, I miss this site. I hope I use it a lot more than I did last time.

Dear Diary,

I always thought life was worth living, But if everything is going to disappoint me, then what's the fucking point? Everything is just getting worse.
I wonder what I'd be like if I had a boyfriend. Probably even more of a wreck. I'd always try and not mess anything up. I want a boyfriend but I don't think I need/deserve one...

So moody

Today was a sad day. I sat down in art and got the idea of maybe doing a self-portrait and got a real good look at myself. Pimples and all. :(

6:40am

It's the morning and I'm "ready" for school.

Who am I kidding? I'm never ready for school.

Hello all.

I'm monique.
I'm not new to this site, but I barely used it when I had my old account up.
Hopefully I will use this one more than the last. ;)